


I Can’t Lose You

by KayJayo



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gon Freecss/Killua Zoldyck - Freeform, Hunter x Hunter - Freeform, Killua Zoldyck - Freeform, Killugon - Freeform, Other, gon freecss - Freeform, hxh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 18:18:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayJayo/pseuds/KayJayo
Summary: This is a Fic I wrote six years ago about what I imagined happened between Gon and Killua after a certain scene in the Chimera Ant arc.SPOILERS AHEAD.





	I Can’t Lose You

The force of the blast was incredibly strong, forcing Killua backward. It took all of his strength just to keep his footing. His throat was raw from screaming, and he could hardly see through the dust and debris around him.

_Gon._

Killua's heart pounded in his chest. _How could this have happened?_

Gradually, the debris began to clear, and Killua could see the gigantic looming crater before him. He walked up to the edge and searched. _Where is he?_ After a few agonizingly long seconds Killua spotted him. Without hesitation, Killua threw himself into the crater. He knew it was Gon. No way could what remained of Neferpitou have survived a blast of that magnitude. But despite that reassurance, he was more afraid than ever.

_What did he have to pay? What did he sacrifice?_

As he drew nearer, Killua's breath caught in his throat. Everything was painted in red and blue blood, and Gon lay in the center of it all. If he hadn't known otherwise, Killua wouldn't have even been able to tell that the figure before him was his best friend.

Gon’s ragged body was now tiny, frail, warped. Tears welled up in Killua's eyes. He had held them at bay for so long, letting them loose only once, when in truth he had easily felt like breaking any minute. Now that his best friend lay before him, he could no longer contain his emotion.

Killua dropped to his knees at Gon's side. His right arm was gone, and he wasn't breathing. With trembling fingers, Killua touched Gon's neck. His skin was hot and sticky – completely covered in grime and blood.

There was no pulse.

"No! No! Dammit, Gon!" In his frustration, Killua punched the ground. The skin on his knuckles split, but he didn't care. "You can't do this to me...” He hesitated, recalling Palm’s assurances that Gon needed him, “I really can’t do anything after all," he whispered dejectedly.

Killua had never felt so lost before in his life. He should never have let Gon leave with Pitou, _If I had just been by Gon’s side, this never would have happened. Or, at least, I would have been with him,_ He ruminated, his mind a blur of thought and emotion. _What am I supposed to do?_

"You always do this," Killua's voice caught. He could barely speak above a whisper, but he continued, "You always do stuff like this. And now you left me behind again, but this time…you left me alone."

For the first time, Killua looked at Gon's face. His long black hair was plastered across it, clinging to his damaged flesh. Without even meaning to, Killua reached forward and brushed some of it aside. When he did, his nen sparked. A small flash of blue ran the length of his fingertip.

Looking at his hand Killua wondered, _Is it because I came in contact with Gon's residual nen?_ He didn't know why he cared. Gon was dead. What point was there in being curious about anything? Maybe it was just to take his mind off the pain. But as he sat there for a few moments, thinking, he had an idea.

 _My nen is very low, and I need to recharge, but this is the only option I have._ Killua attempted to calm his emotions. He dried his eyes on his arm, and tried to focus. He imagined all of the nen that he had left, circling to his hand.

"You better not die, you bastard – not until you apologize!" Killua raised his fist, and came down hard on Gon's chest. His lightning type nen shocked Gon, and his body arched upward. After the bout, Killua checked Gon's pulse again. Nothing.

 _I just need a little more..._ Killua knew that using too much of his nen was dangerous. But none of that mattered to him. If he couldn't do this, Gon would be lost forever. He summoned more energy – as much as he possibly could.

"I won't lose you," He hit his fist into Gon's chest.

"I can't lose you!" Another punch.

"You're - ," Killua sobbed hysterically between blows. "You're, my precious friend! I won't lose you, Gon!"

With one final heave, Killua slammed his fist into Gon's chest once again. Killua doubled over in exhaustion. He used so much of his own energy that he could hardly feel his limbs. With a grunt, he lifted his head and gazed at Gon. There were still no signs of life.

"No way…." Killua hung his head in defeat. He really is…

Killua had never felt so broken.

Cold shivers flew down Killua's spine. He looked up in fright. Before him, a black cloud began to swirl around Gon's body. _This is…nen? But that means –_

Looking closer, Killua realized that Gon's chest raggedly rose and fell. "He's….alive." A wave of relief flooded Killua, but his elation was immediately replaced by distress. Sure, Gon was alive, but his body was irreparably damaged. The black cloud of nen surrounding him looked menacing – a curse that held him bound after the sacrifice he had made.

Killua walked up to Gon, and grabbed his remaining arm. He was so fragile. Killua's once strong and athletic friend, was now nothing but frail bone and mottled flesh. Killua gently lifted his friend onto his back.

_Don't worry, Gon. I'll set this right._

**Author's Note:**

> Just as an afterward though, I have very specific feelings about Gon and Killua’s relationship, so I’m going to succinctly say a little about that here.
> 
> I don’t like shipping them as children. Do I think Killua has feelings for Gon? Yeah but not beyond the feelings of a first crush, honestly. Gon is the first friend he had - the first person who ever cared for him and he always saw Gon in a brighter light than he really was (same as the audience). Could it be more? Yeah, but I also don’t think that Gon even has those feelings. I think romantic feelings completely go over Gon’s head, and so despite how much he cares for Killua I don’t think it would ever actually lead to a relationship. 
> 
> Just my personal opinion, and I’m not saying don’t ship them, just please no little boy love crap that stuff’s gross.


End file.
